The Long Way Around
by Strucky
Summary: The road to the end is not a path easily taken. When Castiel and the Winchesters are reunited after the betrayal of Metatron, the fight to close Hell continues. With old friends and new allies they struggle to find a balance of family and newly found feelings. 8x23 spoilers. Slash.
1. City of No Angels

**After the season finale I had so many ideas as to where they could take the next season I just wanted to write them down. So I made a fic about it. These are my hopes and dreams for season 9.**

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The Long Way Around

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**Chapter 1 : **City of No Angels

It was beautiful. The sight of them; falling. Like stars entering the atmosphere and burning up to create lights that kissed and danced around the dark sky. As he stood watching them, he fell into their beauty, then horror and fear dropped into his stomach as brutal reality set in. They weren't stars, nor meteors, they were his brothers and sisters. His family strung across the night, a spectacle to the unknowing eye, and heartbreak for him. He cried out into the dark. His voice lost within rage and despair. Collapsing to his knees he cried out once more and struck the earth with his fist. Pain greeted him. He looked to his hands, red with anger and abuse. He knew pain, he was no stranger to it, but this pain was different. For as his brothers and sisters crashed into the earth, their wings tearing apart, grace shattering, Castiel sat on the ground powerless and utterly human.

When the rain of light finally ended his eyes were red and wet. He had never cried like he had in the past day. The events of the last few days were to much for him to handle as an angel, attempting to cope with them as human was nearly impossible. Castiel struggled to his feet, faltering for a moment before he was able to take a confident step. The sky was now just dark but in the distance a hint of the sun was filtering into the night. He didn't know where he was. When Metatron cast him down it was nowhere near Dean or Sam. He walked towards the sun, leaving the darkness behind him.

He walked for hours through unfamiliar forest while weariness plagued him as it had never before. The midday sun beat down on his shoulders. The trench coat was long removed but held under his arm. The coat was part of him, angel or not. He began to sweat, something that had almost never happened when he was an angel. Castiel had just begun his existence as human and it was already picking him apart. He needed to find Sam and Dean. For all they knew he was dead, or worse they believed that he was the one who threw the angels out of heaven. Castiel cursed himself. He had let himself be led astray once again by someone promising him peace. Each left him with nothing, no peace, no happiness, only hurt and betrayal in the Winchester's eyes. He did not want them believing that he had turned on them once again, he needed to find them, to make things right.

Unfocused on the path in front of him he walked right out onto the road. There were no cars nor signs to direct him. With a sigh Castiel continued East. More hours past and he was truly feeling the weakness of humans. He needed to eat, to rest, but there was no place for him. His leg crumbled underneath him and sent him to the ground. He forced himself not to cry again. Hugging the trench coat to his chest he prayed. Although he knew that the only one left in heaven was Metatron, he prayed regardless. He prayed to God, for where ever he may be Castiel prayed that he would return soon, and fix what had gone so terribly, abysmally, wrong.

From a distance he could hear the rumble of a nearing car. He quickly stood and stepped into the road. From behind him a van came fast approaching. Castiel watched as it drove right by him. He hung his head and began to walk once more. In front of him the van screeched to a stop, then reversed quickly. He stood stunned as the van stopped before him and the passenger opened the door.

"Castiel?"

"Oh please no,"Castiel groaned. The driver got out and raced around the front of the car, while the side door opened to revel more people.

"I can't believe this-"

"Neither can I," Castiel cut off.

"Dude, you remember us?"

"Yes," he replied bitterly.

"That's right who could forget the fierce and mighty Ghostfacers!" Ed boasted while Kenny grabbed his camera and began filming.

"What happened to you Castiel?" Maggie asked catching his eye.

"I imagine you all saw what happened last night?" He mused.

"Yeah! Talk about crazy," Ed said. "I mean meteor showers in May. That never happens, especially in Oregon."

"We are in Oregon?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah we're up here investigating a haunted house," Harry told him. "Things are looking real spooky."

"None of that is important anymore," Castiel growled.

"What do you mean?" Harry questioned.

"Hunting ghost can wait," he said. "I need to get back to Sam and Dean."

"Whoa wait," Maggie threw up her hands. "Dean's alive?" Shock evident in her voice.

"Why wouldn't he be?" Castiel asked not understanding.

Instead of telling him she showed him. She reached into the van and pulled out a book. Not just any book, but a Supernatural book. It was not one that Castiel had ever seen before. To his knowledge when Chuck had died the books ended. He reached out and took it, flipping through the pages. He knew this story. It was how he, Sam and Dean had killed Dick Roman.

"This is impossible." Castiel muttered.

"Are all those books true?" Kenny asked.

"I do not know," Castiel replied honestly.

"After you dropped in on us you left the book," Maggie explained. "I looked into it and found all of them. Read them and then we kinda realized that it was all real. Sam, Dean, you. Everything."

"But don't think that we forgive those losers for screwing up our investigations!" Ed sneered.

"Yeah!" Harry nodded, but didn't look or sound as confident as Ed.

"That's the latest one published," Maggie said ignoring the boys. "It ends with Dean in Purgatory alone. Another hasn't been out in a while, I kinda figured that might be it, but I guess not, huh?"

"No. We should go now." Castiel said.

"What, where are we going?" Kenny asked as the camera slipped in his hands.

"I need to get back to Dean and Sam." Castiel repeated.

"You're an angel can't you just zap back to them?" Ed asked. Castiel stared at him for a long moment.

"I am not an angel anymore."

"Oh," Ed breathed. "Is that from going crazy or Purgatory...?"

"No my sanity is intact" Castiel assured them. "And that is not the issue at the moment. We need to get moving."

"Hey wait you gotta tell us what is going on," Harry said. "I don't wanna be driving into danger or something."

"If you do not take me to Sam and Dean, you may not have much more of a life to _see_ any danger at all." Castiel spoke low.

"Okay," Harry said shakily. "Where are we going?"

"Kansas."

"Kansas! That's gonna take days!" Harry wined.

"Then we better start driving." Castiel growled.

With that they piled into the van. Castiel took the passenger seat and no one objected. Kenny kept filming and Maggie dug her face into her Supernatural book. She scanned page after page before closing it gently.

"Castiel?" She asked softly. She got a slight 'humm' of a reply. "You mentioned the falling stars, is that...are they important?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"They're not stars," he began.

"Yeah they're meteors, stars don't fall into our atmosphere-" Ed started.

"They're angels."

The van fell silent. Castiel did not want to reveal all of his and the Winchester's secrets but others would find out soon enough. And while Castiel did not believe that the Ghostfacers were the brightest of their age, they were honest. As they drove Castiel began to tell them his story. He told them only what they needed to know about the world they were about to walk into. He explained Purgatory and Dean's escape then his own. The mid control he wanted to skip over but it played a part in the plot line. He spoke of Naomi with regret in his voice. Castiel would never like the angel but he respected her honesty that came forth even though it was to late.

The kids in the van hung to every work he spoke. He told them about the trials but not in detail, just that they were trying to shut the gates of Hell for good. Then of the Angel Tablet and how he failed to keep it safe. And in the end Metatron's betrayal. Castiel still had no idea if Sam was alive. He prayed that he was, he prayed that Dean had gotten to him in time.

The story was long and at times hard to get through, it was a story with flaws and looking back Castiel could clearly see where he had gone wrong in his ways. When he finished speaking the Ghostfacers wasted no time pestering him with questions. Castiel refused to answer any until they gave him food and somewhere to sleep. They agreed to a deal and quickly found the nearest motel to stay at.

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Ed and Harry went out to get food while the others stayed behind with Castiel. Kenny continued to film, not wanting to miss a moment. Maggie had her computer out and was flicking through newspapers and news reports. People were going crazy. After the supposed meteor shower; hundreds and hundreds of people were found all over the place with no memory of how they got there. There were videos taken where one could clearly see the outline of a human in one of the meteors that came crashing down during the past night. Another clip showed the fallen angels being led away by cops, then more being pushed into large black vans.

Maggie swallowed hard. She was afraid. She had know that ghost and demons were real and angels too, but with that knowledge came a responsibility. She had learned that much from the Supernatural books. You don't leave the hunting life, the only way out is to die. At least that's how it was for Sam and Dean. These cops and who she assumed were the FBI or CIA didn't know what they were getting into. She pitted the fallen angels, they would be questioned and taken apart if they didn't step in and help. If they weren't quick enough the world would dissolve into panic when there were more questions then answers. She had seen and read enough post apocalypse stories to know how that all would turn out. The only people who could possibly stop this world from destroying itself were the Winchester's. They had to get Castiel back to them as soon as possible.

"Castiel?"

"Yes," Castiel turned towards her.

"Do Sam and Dean even know that you are alive?" She asked

"No, they don't." He shook his head.

"Well we can call them," She offered. "What's Dean's number?"

"I do not know," Castiel said sadly. "I haven't had need for it. I have no idea of how to contact them. I used to just be able to fly where I wanted but now..." He stopped, it was not the time to fall apart. He could break down later when lives weren't at stake. He was a soldier. He could be strong for a little longer, he had to.

"Oh," Maggie watched worriedly as emotions flew across Castiel's face. She tapped gently at the keys on her keyboard for half a second. "Oh!" She exclaimed. "I know what to do."

She turned to her computer and looked up the Supernatural fan base. She created a new post and wrote two words and sent it. She then continued onto the next site and did the same. She did this until there were no more active sites to post on. Maggie returned to the first site and posted the same thing once more, this time with another message.

_Castiel Lives_

_Get this to Charlie_

She shut the computer and sent out a little prayer.

"What did yo do?" Castiel asked watching her carefully.

"I'm trying to get the message out that you are alive. I posted it online, with a message to get it to Charlie. I know she went underground to escape the Leviathans but she was still a hacker and she's smart. If anyone could get the message to Sam and Dean it would be her."

"I believe that she has reconnected with Sam and Dean."

"She has!?" Maggie smiled. "Great then it'll be easy for them to find you."

"I hope," Castiel nodded.

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Harry and Ed arrived back with the food and noise fluttered in with them. Castiel ate in silence as he watch the others. He had begun to eat even when he was still an angel when he was around the Winchester's. It had made Dean happy when he ate with them, and Castiel didn't mind. But now as a human food had to be a staple in his life. He didn't much care for the taste and it seem bothersome to eat constantly, but he knew that a human body needed it. The human body also required sleep, something Castiel was not happy with. It wasted time, and time was slipping away so quickly from him.

The Ghostfacers hunched over computers looking further into the fallen angels. It hurt to hear that none of them had seemed to retain their memories like Castiel had. When Ed brought that up Castiel did not have a good answer for him. Perhaps it was because his grace was taken while he was still in heaven and not when he was falling. Whatever the reason Castiel was grateful for his memories. Losing them once was enough for him.

It was near one in the morning when the Ghostfacers called it a night. By then Castiel had fallen asleep in his chair. Maggie woke him and helped him over to a bed in his sleep filled haze. He relaxed into the bed and welcomed sleep.

For the first time Castiel had dreams. He dreamt of falling, falling to fast and there was nothing to catch him when he reached the ground. He lay there alone crying for help. His wings had fallen off and lay next to him. His dark feathers still twitching with the last bit of his grace. Then the pain came. Immense, impossible pain flooded his blood and brain. He couldn't move and his eyes remained wide open as he watched his brothers and sisters fall after him.

He awoke breathless. His eyes flashed open and quickly took in his surroundings. Memories settled their way back in as the worried eyes of Maggie and Ed watched him.

"You okay man?" Ed asked.

"Yes," Castiel replied. "I will be."

"Ready to hit the road?" Harry asked poking his head in the door.

"Yeah man give us a sec," Ed told him. "We'll be right there." Harry nodded and left. "You sure your okay?"

Castiel nodded and rubbed his eyes. Maggie once more had her computer out. She smiled at him.

"Cas, I think we will be getting a call from Sam or Dean any time today." She laughed a little.

"Why," Castiel asked and stepped forward. She rounded the computer to him. The site she was on the night before was filled with two words.

_Castiel Lives_


	2. Rebel With a Cause

**Thanks for the follows and reviews! I'm gonna try and post a new chapter every two day or so. Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 2:** Rebel With a Cause

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It was like fireworks. The angels fell and burst into light in the night. Dean watched in horror as the angels dived to the ground. Next to him Sam gaped up at the sky.

"Dean what is happening?" He forced out.

"Metatron betrayed us," Dean said not moving his eyes from the sight before him. "He was using us."

"What about Cas?" Sam turned to him. Dean looked to his little brother. Sam still looked like he was about to die. His face was pale and eyes red. Dean winced at his appearance.

"I don't know," Dean told him. "I think we should go home."

"Home?" Sam questioned. "No, Dean we need to figure out what is happening. We can't just leave the angels out there!"

"They aren't angels anymore," Dean cursed under his breath. "They're human now."

"How can you be so sure?" Sam shook his head.

"Sam...I'm not, okay, but right now is not the time to go rounding up all the little lost angels. Right now I'm more worried about you. So can we please just go back to the bunker?"

"Yeah, okay. But, what happened when you left with Cas?" Sam needed to know.

"Naomi came to see us," Dean sighed. "She told us that Metatron was going to try and toss everyone and everything out of heaven. Cas didn't believe her...but I'm guessing she was right."

"Dean..."

"Lets go Sammy," Dean stood and pulled Sam up with him. Sam gasped but was able to hold his own weight. Dean struggled to get the car door open and when he did he lay Sam down in the back seat. He shut the door and opened the drivers side.

"Wait, what about Crowley?" Sam said from the back seat.

"What about him?" Dean huffed. "He's still a demon right, he can rot there for all I care."

"No he's not."

"Sam you didn't finish the spell right?" Dean spun in his seat. "Right!?"

"No, Dean I didn't," Sam told hims and Dean heaved a sigh of relief. "But he changed. I think he's mostly human now."

"Sam, you sure?" Dean eyed him.

"Yeah, pretty sure." Sam nodded.

"Fine," Dean said hitting the steering wheel. "I'll check on it."

Dean got out of the car and jogged back into the church. The sky above him was no longer filled with the light of falling angels. Inside the church Dean took in the evidence of what looked like a fight. The broken window and glass everywhere. Blood was splattered in places other than the Devils Trap where Crowley still sat. Dean approached slowly. The demons head hung low and rested on his chest. Dean stood in front of him and shook him by the shoulders. The demons body was weak and pliable.

"Crowley!" Dean shouted at him. There was no response. Dean cursed again. The options weighed on his mind. He could leave Crowley here, he was still at least mostly a demon. But Sam would probably throw a fit about it. Or he could take him with them. But that meant bringing him to the Bat Cave, and that place was sacred to Dean. He chewed on his lip for half a moment before he wiped away a piece of the Devils Trap and unscrewed the chains from the ground. He kept the hand cuff on his wrists for insurance. He heaved the smaller man over his shoulder and as quick as he could made it back out to the Impala.

Sam watched his brother leave the church with Crowley in tow. He leaned up and pushed opened the passenger door for Dean. Dean let Crowley fall ungracefully into the car. He sneered at the sight of the demon in his car. He got in and with a nod to Sam they took off.

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Dean was worried. He knew that Sam was worried too, but Dean worry was rooted deeper than he would have liked to admit. The thing with with angels had his head spinning. What could Metatron possibly want with an empty heaven? With no angels there who would he command? Did he just was piece and quiet, or did he want to become the new God? Or, was heaven really empty? Did he keep the angels he wanted and kicked out the rest? There were too many questions and not enough answers to keep him satisfied.

His eyes swept over to the sleeping demon, or half demon, or whatever. What were they going to do with him? Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightened. They had finally, _finally,_ had a plan. A real, this is gonna work, plan, and it all had to come crashing down around them...literally.

As all these thoughts paraded through his mind they ended with him thinking of Cas. Dean didn't know weather to be upset about him, or furious with him. For all he knew Cas had helped Metatron drop the angels, or Metatron had cast Cas out as well. And if the latter were true that would mean a human, mindless Castiel. Human Cas, Dean figured he may be able to deal with, but another Cas who had forgotten who he and Sam were was just another heartbreak waiting to happen.

Sam started to snore in the back seat. Dean's eyes flick to the rearview mirror to catch sight of him. He was still pale and sick looking, but at least he was sleeping. It would take hours to get back to Kansas, and Dean hoped that Sam would stay asleep for that long.

San jerked awake when Dean's phone went off. Dean swore and rustled the phone out of his pocket as fast as he could.

"What?" Dean said shortly into the phone. "Go back to sleep Sam." Dean commanded.

"Dean?" It was Kevin.

"Kevin? What's wrong?" Dean spoke softer but lost none of the concern in his voice.

"Uh nothing I guess," Kevin started.

"Then why the call?" Dean groaned out.

"Dean this place is going haywire. I mean nothing is technically wrong. There is just a bunch of lights and sirens going off." He explained.

"Did you leave the bunker?"

"No, you told me not to," Kevin said back.

"Good man." Dean praised. "Look things went south. We didn't complete the trials."

"Did Crowley get away?" Kevin's voice rose.

"No, no we still have him, it's just..." Dean swore again. "Metatron betrayed us."

"What?"

"He was using us as his free pass back into heaven and once he got himself a place he decided to kick everyone out."

"You mean?"

"Yeah, the angels are all gone."

"You think that's why this place was going crazy?" Kevin asked.

"Probably," Dean agreed. "That place is hardwired to know any kind of non-human activity. And falling angels are definitely non-human... well until there are."

"Oh man," Kevin hissed.

"We're on our way back, we'll be there in six hours," Dean told him. "Can you do me a favor though?"

"Yeah sure," Kevin responded eagerly.

"Find out what they are doing with the fallen angels."

"You mean other people saw this happen?"

"I'm thinkin' the whole world saw this happen."

"Yeah except the prophet of the lord," Kevin mumbled. "What about the angel tablet?"

"Leave it for now, it's no good to us with all this going on." Dean said, then thought for a moment. "Did you translate anything else?"

"Just a few words from the first trial. It was like, grace, and something about blood, but what the context is, I don't know yet."

"Okay, good job Kev. Keep me updated if you find out anything on the angels."

"I will," Kevin said and Dean hung up.

Sam had fallen back asleep and Dean was grateful. When soft snoring could be heard Dean let himself go. Tears raced down his face, and sobs caught in his throat. His mind flickered back to Sam telling him that he was the one who saw a light at the end of their road. But the revelation in the church had told Dean more than he needed or wanted to ever know. Sam didn't care that he was going to die. He was willing to give up his life so easily, and that made Dean's blood run cold. Throwing their own lives away was always Dean's job. He was the one to sacrifice himself at the drop of a hat, not Sam. Sam was the strong one. Dean knew that. Sam may not have believed it if Dean told him, but he was. Sam was the one who could go on and live a real life without the hunting life haunting him at every noise or shadow.

The worst realization for Dean was that Sam had been lying to him. The entire time they had been trying to complete the trials Sam had been hiding from him. The sickness he had only been able to keep from Dean until it was so bluntly forced in front of his eyes. The hidden agenda that Sam kept from him was the one raging on his soul. Dean didn't want it to be true but when the thought came to him he couldn't get it out of his head.

Maybe, Sam had taken on the trials because he wanted to die.

That thought made him want to vomit. The thought also opened up doors Dean never wanted to unlock.

An outsider may believe that Sam and Dean were suicidal. Always running into danger never stopping to make a sure and steady plan. Their lives meant nothing if they could save someone in the process. That was how Dean had lived his life, always putting others first, especially Sammy. Dean would do anything for his brother, hell, he had done everything for Sam, but he had never thought that Sam should do the same for him. Driving in the Impala with Sam looking like death in the back seat, Dean wondered if something like this had been Sam's plan all along. Was jumping into the pit just another way for Sam to try and kill himself?

Dean forced himself to stop thinking that way. He focused on the road in front of him and not on his brother behind him. Crowley fidgeted in the seat next to him. Dean hoped he wouldn't wake until they got back to the bunker, where he could tie him up properly, then they could figure out what to do with the demon. If that's what he even was anymore. Crap, what were they going to do with a mostly human demon? What were they going to do with a human Cas, if he was even that?

It was all to much. All of it, not just the past few months of trying desperately to finish the trials, and Cas disappearing on them, and Crowley hunting them down, it was all to much. The last seven or eight years had been to much, hell, their lives had been enough. Dean wiped away the remnants of tears on his face.

_After._ Dean thought, after all this was done, they were going to live. Nothing was going to change his mind, when it was all over they were going to live. Promise made, Dean nodded to himself and continued to drive.

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When he got to the bunker Sam and Crowley were still out for the count. Dean left them in the car and hurried over to the door and banged on it three times, then a fourth after a pause. Kevin appeared quickly.

"Dean," Kevin nearly whispered. His eyes were red and face was almost a pale as Sam's.

"What's wrong?" Dean demanded.

"It's the angels," Kevin spoke with a break in his voice.

"What?"

"They've fallen everywhere, it's all over the world." Kevin spoke and followed Dean over to the Impala. He eyed Crowley in the front seat but said nothing. Together they heaved Sam out.

"I figured." Dean told him.

"Yeah, but Dean people don't know what to do." Kevin explained. "People just fell out of the sky, people with no memory of what they are or how they came to be there. The world is freaking out!"

"That's the least of our worries right now." Dean said as they lay Sam on the couch. "Come on lets get Crowley."

"You mean he's gonna stay here?!" Kevin shrieked.

"For now, yeah," Dean grumbled.

"This has bad idea written all over it," Kevin sighed.

"Tell me about it," Dean agreed. "But Sam said that he was mostly human, so I'm gonna trust him on it. Tell me more about the angels."

"They're rounding them up," Kevin started. "Since they don't know what to make of them they are taking them away from the public. From what I've seen in videos and post online, it looks like the FBI is in on it."

"Crap," Dean cursed. They lifted Crowley out of the car and Dean kicked the door shut.

"Dean if we don't do something they are gonna start cutting the angels open."

"What? Why do you think that?" Dean asked.

"Because thats what people do when they can explain something. Cut it open until it gives you answers!" Kevin nearly yelled at him.

They dropped Crowley into an arm chair and Dean ran a hand through his hair. Kevin looked expectantly at Crowley who he feared would jump up at any moment and kill them both.

"Dean," Kevin spoke softly shaking his head. "This world is gonna drown in panic and fear. People shouldn't just fall out of the sky."

"But that's what they are," Dean interrupted. "People, they're people, just like me and you. They can't just start killing them, they wouldn't."

Silence fell between the two. Kevin began to pace and Dean sat next to Sam. He held his head in his hands, trying to message out he headache he knew was coming. After a couple laps Kevin stopped and asked Dean a question.

"Dean have you ever met another fallen angel?"

"Yeah, her name was Anna." Dean told him. He reminisced for a moment before telling Kevin more. "Her story is different then this though. She chose to fall and was reborn. She had her memories of growing up and everything, then when we started the apocalypse her angelic memories came back and drove her kinda crazy."

"You don't think that these angels will get back their memories?" Kevin asked.

"No, I don't." Dean said sadly. "They're not angels anymore, none of them."

"Do you think we can change that?"

Dean closed his eyes and fought off a memory. One of him in a future that never should be, and of an angel that fell and could never get back up.

"God I hope so."


	3. The Return of the Geek

**Hi guys! thanks again for the follows! If you can please review, everyone is loved.**

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**Chapter 3:** The Return of the Geek

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They had moved Sam into his bedroom where Dean was going to let him sleep until he no longer looked like he was about to keel over. As for Crowley they moved him down into the dungeon, just to be on the safe side. The demon wasn't any nearer to consciousness then Sam was. Dean knew he and Kevin should get some sleep too, but there was to much going on. Kevin was hunched over his computer reading all he could about the fallen angels.

"Should we do something?" Kevin asked, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"What would you suggest?" Dean snorted.

"Well, shouldn't we take in the angels that we can, I mean before the cops or anyone else gets their hands on them?"

"What would we do with them?" Dean retorted.

"I don't know, keep them safe?" Kevin bit back.

"Say we do," Dean humored him. "Saw we go out and bring them home like lost puppies. We are going to keep them here, against their will, and do test on them right? How would that be any different from what others would do to them."

"We at least know what they really are." Kevin told him. "Maybe they just need to be reminded of who they are? What happened when Anna got her memories back?"

"She only got them back because we were trying to stop the apocalypse." Dean sat down with a sigh. "If we had never started that storm she probably would have gone on completely normal. It was the angels in Heaven talking that brought her memories back. But since there are no angels in Heaven, or that we know of, I doubt that that idea is gonna work. Even after she got her memories back she still wasn't an angel. She still needed her Grace. From what I saw out there it looked like all those angel's Grace tore up and left them. We had to go find Anna's, and to try and find hundreds and hundreds of Grace's would be impossible."

"Where was her Grace?" Kevin asked.

"It took the form of a tree," Dean said. "When we got there it had been stolen. She got it back eventually, but as soon as she did it sent her to Heaven. So if we were able to restore an angels Grace it might just sent them right back up to Metatron, who would probably kill them or just throw them out again."

"What if we sent them all back at once?"

"Huh?"

"What if we gave all the angels back their Grace at the same time? Then they would all return to Heaven at the same time, and if we had a plan of attack, maybe they could over power Metatron." Kevin said getting excited as he spoke.

"I don't know," Dean said honestly. "In theory yeah, it seems possible, but to find all the Grace and to match them up with the angels, that seems difficult."

"Why don't we start with the Grace?" Kevin suggested. "It can't be safe to have that much power lying all about the world."

"You're right about that." Dean agreed. "Let's wait for Sam though. Last time he was able to track down where Anna's Grace had gone. He'll want to help."

"Okay," Kevin said and turned back to his computer. "Dean, do you think Castiel is still alive?"

"I don't know," Dean stiffened.

"But, do you think that Metatron killed him, or just cast him down with the rest of them?" Kevin cast a look at Dean. Dean eyes were searching, but never finding a place to land.

"I- I...I think Cas might have helped him." Dean admitted.

"What?!" Kevin spun to him.

"It wouldn't be the first time he's betrayed us," Dean spat out.

"You don't think he would have learned from that?" Kevin interjected.

"I don't know!" Dean shouted. "Every time I think that me and Cas have a real friendship, things just explode in front of us. I don't trust him. I want to, I really do, but after all the crap we've been dealt, I just can't trust him anymore."

"You trusted him in Purgatory didn't you." Kevin asked.

"Not at first, then as time went by yeah he gained it back." Dean explained. "Then I thought we were gonna be Team Free Will again, him, me and Sam. Then Naomi came in a screwed around with his mind. What I do know is that Cas, does want to do the right thing, most of the time, but he just gets it so wrong. He wanted to fix Heaven, hell he's been wanting to do that forever, it just seems that whenever someone offers him the chance he jumps on it, not worrying of the consequences. He knew, he _knew, _that if he returned to Heaven now that the angels might kill him, and he was okay with that! He just doesn't think, he just jumps in and hopes for the best, but it never is."

"He learned that from you," Kevin spoke softly.

"What?"

"That is exactly what you and Sam do, Dean!" Kevin reprimanded. "You are always the first one to put himself in they way of fire to try and save someone. That's just what you do, you just have more experience than Cas in the department. You know where you stand, Cas doesn't. He doesn't have a place. He's not welcome in Heaven, and you don't want him on your team because you can't trust him, there is no solid ground for him. It's no mystery why he wanted to stay in Purgatory."

Dean reeled. His mind flipped through memories of Cas. How he turned his back on his family to stay with Dean and his. Then how Dean had turned his back on Cas. Kevin was right. Kevin was so damn right it hurt. If Cas was still alive Dean promised himself that he would make sure that he knew he had a place in their lives. They were a family, a broken, dysfunctional family, but family nevertheless.

"You're right," Dean admitted.

"I know," Kevin said, but felt no gratification in saying it.

"I hope he's alive," Dean said with his eyes closed.

"Me too," Kevin nodded. "Me too."

* * *

They both retired to their rooms after their talk. Kevin went right to sleep but Dean had to stay up a little longer. He checked in on Sam and then on Crowley. Seeing that both had not changed he went to his room. He sat on the bed and hung his head. He had been in this position before, not to long ago. Then he had prayed to Cas in a moment of helplessness, but now he had no one to pray to. He reached over and took the picture of his mother in his hands. He smiled at her face and closed his eyes. He prayed to her. If there was anyone in the world that Dean trusted the most it was her. He prayed for Sam and Cas, even for Kevin, and for reasons he could not explain he prayed for Crowley. He just wanted this life to get easier. He knew that his wish was one that would never come true, but he still wished.

* * *

When Dean woke it was to the sound of his phone ringing. The theme from Game of Thrones blasted out of the speakers, telling him it was only one person who was calling. He reached over and grabbed the phone from the bedside table.

"Charlie," He said rough with sleep.

"Dean," Her voice was hesitant. "Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Charlie we're fine." He sat up more alert.

"Thank god," She sighed. "What happened guys, what was all that?"

"That was angels falling." Dean didn't beat around the bush.

"Angels? Like Cas?" She asked.

"Yeah," Dean nodded even though she couldn't see him. "Look Charlie if you wanna come over to the bunker I'll explain everything."

"I'm outside."

"Oh."

"Uh huh, when things came crashing down around me I knew you guys would be on the inside about it."

"Well you aren't wrong." Dean got up and made his way to the door. Everyone was still asleep and the bunker was silent. He hung up and opened the door. Charlie rushed forward and wrapped Dean in a hug. He faltered for a moment then hugged her back. She let him go and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I missed you," she smiled.

"You too kiddo," Dean grinned and stepped aside to let her in.

"So what's the 411?" She asked walking further into the bunker.

"Angels fell, worlds gone crazy, whats new?" Dean joked.

"No really Dean?" Charlie reached out a hand and grabbed Dean's.

"Really?" Dean repeated. Charlie nodded. "Sam looks like he's gonna die, even though we never finished the trials. Kevin still needs to translate the angel tablet, and the poor kid is at his wits end. Crowley is now mostly human. I have no idea what to do with him. And oh yeah, Cas may or may not have betrayed us, or he might be dead...again."

"Well I can solve one of those riddles for you Batman," she smiled. "Cas is alive."

"What, how could you know that?"

"I'll show you." Charlie pulled out her laptop and set it on the table. It already had a page open. It was a Supernatural website, one that was dedicated to the books that Chuck had written. Dean groaned at the sight.

"Have you read the books?" He asked even though he knew the answer.

"Of course," Charlie said happily. "I found them after I met you guys for the first time. They were very informative. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. Look at this page." She pushed back the screen and Dean gave it a good look. Instead of garble about the book or him and Sam, there were only two words.

_Castiel lives_

Charlie closed that site and pulled up another. The same two words were all over it.

"I saw this last night, and I knew I had to come get you." She told him. "Castiel is alive, out there somewhere and whoever has him wants to let you know."

"You think he's been kidnapped?" Dean's eyes flashed.

"No, no, that came out wrong. If someone bad had him I doubt they would use the Supernatural community to contact you. I think it's someone who has read the books and knows about the supernatural world. Does that ring any bells?" She asked.

"Not really." Dean shrugged. "I mean Chuck had a lot of fans, but most of them just believed they were only books. There were a few that figured it out though."

"Oh right at the convention," Charlie nodded. "You helped those guy kill the evil kid ghosts."

"Yeah...wait how do you know that?" Dean turned on her. "Chuck said he stopped publishing the books. Those stories never should have existed. We _threatened _him_. _They were supposed to stop after I went to the pit. How many more are there?"

"Um, all of them?" Charlie said uncertainly. "The last one to go out was you killing Dick and ending up in Purgatory."

"Son of a bitch!" Dean swore.

"Dean let it go for a minute, what ever reason the books came out doesn't matter. What matters is finding Cas, right?"

"Yeah, you're right." Dean calmed down. "Any way to figure out who first stared this thing?"

"Are you kidding me?" Charlie asked insulted.

"Just find them Charlie," Dean rolled his eyes.

"Sir, yes, sir." She saluted.

Charlie clicked away on her computer as Dean got up to make himself some breakfast. He made coffee and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He called out to the redhead in the other room asking her if she wanted some.

"Does the wand choose the wizard?"

"What?"

"Yes, please," she sighed, then scoffed. "Muggle."

* * *

Dean told Charlie their entire story from the end of the last book she had read. She took it in and asked only a few questions when something was unclear. By the end Dean could tell she was just as worried as he was. She dug faster to try and find out where Castiel was, the quicker they found him, the faster they could move in on figuring out what to do with the fallen angels.

When Kevin woke up he stumbled in to the room. He had the angel tablet with him and when he saw Charlie he tucked it quickly behind his back.

"It's cool Kevin," Dean told him. "This is Charlie."

"Oh," Kevin said relaxing. "Hi, I'm Kevin."

"Prophet of the Lord?" Charlie asked.

"Er, yeah," Kevin's eyes shifted to Dean who made a face.

"You should introduce yourself like that," Charlie smirked. "Makes a better impression."

"Yeah, okay." Kevin frowned at her. "Dean I'm gonna work on translating the tablet."

"Sure, do you want this room?" Dean offered.

"No, my room is fine, it's just I thought of something," Kevin bit his lip.

"Yeah," Dean asked.

"Well I know the first task has to do with an angels Grace in some way or another..."

"And we don't have any angels with Grace." Dean finished for him.

"I mean it may just be a little part, I don't know yet."

"It's fine Kevin, we'll figure it out we always do," Dean told him, a fake smile plastered to his face. "Go work on it. I'll come make you eat in a few hours."

"Okay, sounds good." Kevin nodded. "Um, nice meeting you." Kevin said awkwardly to Charlie.

"You too," Charlie grinned.

Kevin left the room and Charlie raised an eyebrow at Dean.

"What?" He asked.

"That's the Prophet of the Lord?" She asked.

"What were you expecting?"

"It's just in the books he was described as much more mysterious, and you know..."

"Know what," Dean asked not catching on.

"Sexy."

Dean laughed. He laughed and laughed until his sides hurt.

"I gotta read that one," he chuckled and wiped away a tear. "Are you close to finding who made the post yet?"

"Yeah there's a few leads," Charlie chewed on her lip. "Dean have you ever heard of the Ghostfacers?"

"Oh please no." Dean cried.

"You know them?" Charlie tilted her head.

"Unfortunately," Dean groaned.

"I think they may be the ones who have Cas." She said looking at her computer screen.

"Why do you think that?" Dean asked and moved to look at the computer as well. When he saw the screen his mouth dropped. "Oh."

The Ghostfacers website was up and the newest article was about fallen angels, and there in a photo was Castiel.


	4. It's a Long way to the Top

**Hi guys! thanks so much for continuing on with me and this story! I added a little François Rabelais for any nerdfighters out there.**

* * *

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**Chapter 4: **It's a Long way to the Top

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Castiel tilted his head at the camera before him. He had only had his picture taken a few times, and those were in the presence of the Winchester's. Kenny snapped the shot of the fallen angel and the Ghostfacers next to him. While Castiel had just stood there, the children next to him tried to look fierce and intimidating. They garbled over the photo for a moment before Maggie told them she was going to post it to the website.

Castiel sat on the motel bed. They had been driving all day and came to rest right outside Las Vegas. Ed had tried to convince them all to go play slots in the city, but Maggie had shot him down. They bickered all the time. It was driving Castiel crazy. Sure, Sam and Dean fought, but it usually ended with one of them not talking to the other for a while. Silence Cas could deal with, this...not so much. He rubbed his temples and tried to block them out. He was thankful to them for getting him back to the Winchester's, but did they have to make such noise? They then began to talk about the fallen angels and he needed to leave.

He moved quickly over to the door, saying that he would be back soon, and left. Nevada was hot. He didn't like it. He walked down the street in search of sanctuary. It only took him four blocks to find what he was looking for. A church.

It was late in the afternoon, so there was no one inside. Castiel set himself in the last pew and sank to his knees. His hands held onto the seat before him in order to keep himself up right. He rested his head on his hands and held his breath. Breathing was something he had never been concerned with before. Now it was an essential part of his new existence, and it was awful. The constant need of air, needing to breath in and out, in and out, in and out.

Castiel let out a breath and with it the anguish and hurt he was feeling. Tears made their way down his face and fell from there to the ground. He did not want to break. He couldn't, there were thing to do, he had to save the angels, his sisters and brothers. He had to save them, because it was his fault. It was his, and his fault alone that they were now human, powerless and now taken by who knows.

What sort of angel was he? He had failed at every mission he had ever been given. What he had been doing, that was not God's will. Castiel quelled his tears and composed himself before beginning to pray. He wanted nothing more than for his brothers and sisters who were innocent to be able to return to Heaven. He decided then and there that for what he had done, the sin drenched upon him was too much for allowance back into Heaven. He resolved to stay on earth, or, the worst case scenario, to be killed. It was a fate he accepted gratefully. He would rather die than be subjected to torture, weather that be in the form of pain, or in the form of watching his family being torn apart. He knew he would not be able to handle either.

A door shut behind him and he twisted around. Before him was the Pastor. An elderly black man who's eyes filled with compassion as he saw Castiel.

"My child, can I help?" He asked holding out a hand to the former angel.

"I do not believe that you can," Castiel spoke.

"May I at least try?" The Pastor placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder. The angel looked up and gazed at the man. His intentions were true, he could see it in his eyes.

"There is so much I have done wrong. So much I wish I could fix," Castiel started. "It is all my fault, the state of this world, it is my doing."

"The way of the world is not your fault." The man smiled. "The world may seem to be closing in around you, but never believe that it is your doing. You are only human, there is only so much you can control."

"Therein lies the problem," Castiel sighed.

"Pardon?" The Pastor questioned.

"Being human," Castiel nearly spat the word. "It is awful. It is not something I would wish upon my enemies. The last time I fell to this form, I knew I was not to live much longer. I could understand that. I could forgo the usual human things. But now, with no ending, no certainty, I am lost among these people, who do not understand what I am...What I was."

"I'm sorry my boy, but I don't understand." The Pastor took his hand off of Castiel and stepped back.

"You have no need to fear." Castiel told him. "I am nothing now."

He wanted to scream, to tear apart the room. But most of all, he wanted to fly. He missed the feeling of the wind, and the air that rushed by his feathers. When Castiel flew it was wonderful. It was also something he had taken for granted when it had come so easy before. Now he longed for nothing more than to be able to fly into the skies once more. Castile let his head fall back and closed his eyes. A few tears strayed as he took in another regrettable breath.

"I do not know who you are, or who you were my boy," the Pastor spoke. "But please know that in the hands of God you are safe. With God you are never nothing, you are important. He has a reason for all of us, you must understand that. While it may take years and years to find your purpose, trust me my boy, you will find it."

"I thought I already knew who I was. What I was made for." Castiel replied, still with his eyes closed. "I had reason, I had a purpose in the life he gave me. Or so I thought."

"Perhaps your reason has changed." The Pastor sat beside Castiel and gazed up at the steeple. "Maybe God has deemed one task done, and has blessed you with another?"

"I do not believe he would show such favor to me." Castiel opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

"Why would you be exempt from his love? You seem to be a devoted man, that devotion is not looked down upon."

Castiel let his head roll around to face the Pastor. There were tears in his eyes once more.

"I have broken this world so many times, that I doubt that heaven will ever allow me back. And if they should let me back I doubt it would be with open arms, it would be with fear. They would fear what I may do, they have seen my destruction, they know what I have done. I am not someone that others want to be with. I am a curse. I hurt those I want so desperately to save, and I enable those who would strike me down as I turned away." Castiel's voice rose as he continued to speak. "There is no end for this human, only eternal damnation. I know, _I know, _that I have deserved this, but it still pains me. It hurts so badly to be _this_."

Castiel was sobbing. The pastor had tears in his own eyes. He lay an hand back on the bawling man. He said nothing, just gave the man comfort as he tried to collect himself. Castiel cleared away his tears once more, and wondered how many more times he would have to cry. Once he could breath normally he placed his hand on top of the Pastors.

"Thank you father." He said roughly. "I am sorry to burden you with my story."

"It is alright, my boy," he smiled. "I will leave you to pray, but please, please, remember what I have said. Perhaps you have been given a new task, one that might bring you all you need. Do not let that chance go. Go seek your great perhaps."

The Pastor stood quietly and padded his way to the alter. There he knelt and prayed. Castiel watched him go. His face was red and his eyes hurt, but he didn't care for that. Could this all really be a new chance for him? He wanted desperately to believe in what the Pastor had said, but it sounded to good to be true. It sounded wonderful, the idea of having a new life to make new choices to be a better person. He was never a good angel, maybe he could be a good human. It would be a long and tiresome journey to try and redeem himself as a human, but Castiel was willing to try. Though he may never be able to rejoin his family in heaven, he owed it to himself to try and make things right.

That was what he focused on as he stood and left the church. The rest of his breakdown was going to have to wait. The heaviness of being human still weighted on him, but he felt lighter as he walked away.

* * *

When he arrived back at the motel the Ghostfacers were eating pizza and looked up in surprise when Castiel came in.

"Wasn't sure if you were gonna come back," Ed said.

"Yeah, thought you had taken off forever," Harry added. He held out the pizza box. "Want some?"

Castiel shook his head. He sat on the bed behind Maggie and watched the TV. They were watching a movie, it was one Castiel had never seen nor heard of. He watched it silently.

"So where did you go?" Maggie asked softly enough so that the others wouldn't hear.

"To a church."

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I hope so."


End file.
